Empathic Responding with Alienated Children

Family Court Sponsered Child Abuse via PAS - 2015
Facebook.com/StandupforZoraya

malicious-mom-syndrome-2015

…it is often the case that the child will be elevated to a position of power within the fractured family system. This position of power, is often equal to that of the parent who is angry, who upholds the child’s ‘right’ to do as he or she pleases. Parents who are in this position will often speak about their children being ‘more emotionally aware’ than they are and will tell you and others that they are only being guided by their children because if their children say something is wrong then that must be the truth. This is a very dangerous position for a child, who should not be wielding decision making power at the top of what is called the ‘attachment hierarchy.’ To be in control of the broken family system in this way is, in fact, extremely damaging to children over time.

A healthy attachment hierarchy is when two parents, in relationship together, share the decision making and guiding power that runs a well functioning family. Contained within this hierarchy, children know that their parents are in charge and that they, as children, do not need to do anything other than concentrate on their own developing selves. When families separate however, the sharing of the decision making and guiding power often breaks down, creating a space in which the children themselves become elevated to the top of the hierarchy, often sharing power and decision making with the parent they now live with on a daily basis. The other parent in this scenario is pushed to the outer margins of the family system and quite often begins to be viewed by the parent and child as being unnecessary in daily life.

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Children who are at the top of the broken family hierarchy are placed in a position of risk. Children should not hold the same level of decision making power as a parent, the role of a parent is to be the guide and decision maker in a child’s life, gradually handing over the reins to the developing young adult.

When children are taken by a parent into a fused dyad in this way, they are often what is called ‘spousified’ which simply means that they have replaced the role of spouse in the parents life or they are ‘parentified’ which means that they are taking care of the emotional needs of a parent and not the other way around. Both of these corrupted roles within a family system are damaging to children and are signs that the attachment hierarchy is broken and harmful to the child involved. When a child is in one of these positions, they can very quickly become extremely difficult to handle when with the other parent as they refuse to recognize that parent’s validity in their lives and actively fight them for the decision making power.

A child in this position will often –

  • Use sarcastic statements when with you.
  • Try to undermine everything that you say.
  • Refuse to come with you when you turn up to collect them.
  • Act aggressively towards you and your family
  • Sneer at you and call you names
  • Act as if you are somehow ‘less than’ they are
  • Tell you that you are no good, that you don’t do anything right
  • Demand to be taken home to their ‘real’ parent
  • Blow hot and cold, they may drop their defiance for a while only to pick it up again when its time to leave
  • Tell lies
  • Make false allegations against you
  • Remain silent in your company

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Linda Gottlieb Quote Parental Alienation - 2015

The end game in an alienation process is when the children simply refuse to make the transition to you. This is often the result of a ‘trigger’ event which enables the child to justify complete withdrawal. A trigger event can be engineered by a child who is in this elevated position and many children will push continuously to try and create this just so that they can ‘decide’ to completely withdraw. It is important to remember at all times, however, that trigger events, just like the behaviours that the child is displaying are unconsciously driven by the child who is using the only coping mechanism available to them. Children in these circumstances are extraordinarily vulnerable, they are hurting inside, they are psychologically harmed and they are doing whatever they can to survive. All targeted parents MUST, at all times, keep in mind that their children would not behave like this if the pressure upon them did not force them to do so. With that in mind, target parents can assist their children to avoid the trigger event by following these golden rules.

Family Court is a MAFIA - Child Trafficking - 2016

When a child is in an elevated position of power and is displaying the symptoms above you must:

  • Not try to reason with them, they are not in a position to listen
  • Not try to use logic, there is nothing logical about what is happening to them
  • Remain patient, calm and collected, do not become angry and feed their self righteousness, it only pushes you into the trap set for you by the other parent.
  • Develop a thick skin, your child is in a vulnerable psychological state, you can help if you let their commentary about you flow by you without reacting.
  • Be firm as much as you possibly can but avoid scenes which could become the trigger event your child is unconsciously seeking. Remember, they want you to confirm for them why you are the bad person they have been told you are. You must avoid that at all costs.
  • UsetThe most powerful tool in your toolbox which is empathy

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Children in this vulnerable position want you to confirm for them their desire to reject you. Their desire to reject you is born of trying to cope with the terrible pressure placed upon them by the anger and unresolved frustration and the conscious or unconscious determination of the other parent to evict you. If you fall into the trap of confirming for your children why they should reject you by, for example, being drawn into arguments, by shouting at them, by becoming angry at their unreasonable behaviour or other such scenarios, you will unwittingly give them the justification they are seeking to withdraw.

Empathic understanding and the ability to empathically respond to their behaviour will protect them and you from arriving at that trigger point.

Empathy is the ability to ‘walk a mile in someone else’s shoes’ to step into their world and see things from their perspective. To walk a mile in your children’s shoes when they are in this position is the most powerful thing that you can do, for yourself and for them.

Walking a mile in alienated children’s shoes

Stop Emotional Child Abuse - 2015

Terri’s story

Terri was six years old when her parents separated, she can remember the day very well that her father told her that he was leaving. He asked her if she was alright, far from being alright, Terri felt as if her world was spinning out of control. She watched him carry his bags to the car, after that night all she could hear was her mother crying and alternatively raging about her father. Her hurt and pain about losing him became thoroughly mixed up with her mother’s all encompassing rage.

For short while she saw her father every weekend but each time she did so her mother would come crashing into the time with complaints, demands, tears and shouting. terri began to feel that she didn’t know her father anymore and felt that he was the cause of all this chaos.

Back home with her mother, Terri began to hear that her father was not a very nice man, that he had done this and done that in the marriage to her mother and that he was pretty much worthless as a father too. Together, as Terri grew up, she and her mother shared all sorts of good times together, cosy times, nice times. In the middle of this was a sense that it was she and her mother against the world.

When Terri reached eight years old she felt that she was big enough to take on her father and stand up to him. After all, her mother hadn’t been able to but she would show her mother how it was possible. She would make her mother proud and safe again by rescuing her from her father. Terri began to tell her father how bad he was and ‘stand up’ to him and ‘put him straight.’ Terri’s father, on seeing his daughter becoming more and more defiant against him spoke to her mother about it who told him that his daughter was ‘twice the man that he would ever be’ and praised and thanked Terri for doing what she had been unable to do. Terri’s father, increasingly shocked by his daughter’s behaviour, took to trying to reason with her and be logical, he told her she was being poisoned against him by her mother and that she was brainwashed and alienated. Terri didn’t know what that meant but she did know that her father was turning out to be everything her mother said he was, mean and shouty and angry with her.

CONTACT DENIAL IS CHILD ABUSE - STAND UP FOR ZORAYA - 2016

The mistakes that rejected parents make

Terri’s dad fell into the trap set for him by Terri’s mum. Not knowing that his daughter and her mother were in a fused dyad in coalition against him, when Terri began to show the signs of this he went straight to the source of the problem and demanded that her mother share decision making power with him again to try and bring Terri back into the role of a child in his life. Terri’s mother however, had elevated her daughter to the role of replacement spouse in her life, using her as a confidante, friend and comforter. The only thing that Terri’s mother could do was uphold that position when challenged by Terri’s father. Role corruption in this family system was well established.

If Terri’s father had known about how alienation arises he would have been equipped to deal with it in a smarter way. Simply using the word alienation and knowing that it is happening is not enough, target parents must know how alienation arises, how it progresses and how to react when it is clear it is happening. The most powerful tool to use against alienation is empathy. If your child is behaving in ways that seem like an alienation reaction to you, your first task is to step into your child’s shoes and see the world through their eyes. Walk a mile in those shoes and understand the way in which your child perceives what happened in the separation, the kinds of behaviours in the other parent that your child is being subjected to and the ways in which your child is acting in the only way he or she knows how in such difficult and painful circumstances.

Children do not want to reject their parents, its not in their nature to say I choose this one or that one. Children who reject are in a vulnerable place and if you are the target parent your role from now on is to understand, as much as possible, the pressures placed upon your child. When you do understand that, from your child’s perspective, you are in the place where you can really start work on interrupting what is happening.

Remember, empathy, its not about your experience its about theirs. Its not about what is happening in your world, its about what is happening in theirs. Its not about you feeling good, its about making them feel good.

You are not powerless as a targeted parent. When you have walked a mile in your children’s shoes you are ready to begin the process of using empathic responding to disarm your child and change their perspective. When you do this you actively interrupt the messages they have been given about you. When you interrupt those messages, you are acting against alienation. Equipped with the right knowledge and the right tools you can make a difference to what is happening to your child.

Karen Woodall

One of the most painful experiences for targeted parents is when the alienation process begins to escalate and children begin to become difficult, challenging and sometimes downright obnoxious.

We may not be familiar with the child who is overly empowered within what is called a ‘fused dyad’ with the other parent and so when that behaviour appears it can seem almost as if your child has turned into someone else. Some parents liken it to their child being possessed, others worry that their child is mentally unwell. Understanding what has happened and why is a very important step to learning how to deal with it.

In an alienation scenario, when one parent is angry or holds unresolved frustrations or is quite simply determined to drive the other out of a child’s life, it is often the case that the child will be elevated to a position of power within the…

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Find Cause Bigger Than Self

About

Fighting to preserve Parent–Child relationships to improve the lives of children and strengthen society by protecting the child’s right to the love and care of both parents after separation/divorce.

“Children’s Rights” is not just about Fathers, it’s also about Children, Mothers, Families, Public Advocacy, Civil Rights and Liberties. This Children’s Rights Facebook Group, Page and Cause have been created for positive outreach, networking, distribution and discussion of information related to our cause.

CHILDREN’S RIGHTS
• A continuing relationship with both parents.

• Be treated not as a piece of property, but as a human being recognized to have unique feelings, ideas, and desires consistent with that of an individual.

• Continuing care and proper guidance from each parent.

• Not to be unduly influenced by either parent to view the other parent differently.

• Express love, friendship, and respect for both parents: freedom from having to hide those stated emotions or made to be ashamed of such.

• An explanation that the impending action of divorce was in no way caused by the child’s actions.

• Not to be the subject and/or source of any and all arguments.

• Continuing, honest feedback with respect to the divorce process and its impact on the changing relationships of the family.

• Maintain regular contact with both parents and a clear explanation for any change in plans and/or cancellations.

• Enjoy a pleasurable relationship with both parents, never to be employed as a manipulative bargaining tool.

• The obligation of being a parent does not end after a divorce.

It is extremely important to understand that the bond of marriage is completely different from that of parents. This is the most common downfall in today’s society, as a dissolution of marriage takes place so does that of parenting.

 

A WORD ABOUT SELF REPRESENTATION ~ The Sixth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution has been interpreted to provide EVERY AMERICAN with the CONSTITUTIONAL right to self-representation, if they so choose. That privilege, like all other constitutional rights, should be enjoyed without fear of harassment, prejudice, or abuse.

Furthermore, no law, regulation, or policy should exist to abridge or surreptitiously extinguish that right. Self-Represented Litigants have no less of a right to FAIR and MEANINGFUL due process under the federal and state constitutions as those individuals who choose to utilize an attorney for their legal affairs and issues. In fact, NOWHERE in any state or federal constitution does it specify that the hiring of a lawyer is a prerequisite to exercising one’s due process rights.

Democratic principles dictate that we have the right to freely choose between self-representation and hiring a lawyer to handle our legal matters without suffering humiliation, prejudice, or penalization. After all, it is the parties to the litigation that ultimately have to deal with the consequences of the case’s outcome, and not the judge or the lawyers involved in the matter.

Contrary to the view of certain judges and lawyers, those who opt to litigate their own legal matters without an attorney are NOT second-class citizens deserving of contempt and injustice. Instead, they are BRAVE CITIZENS with an inalienable right to have their legal causes adjudicated objectively and justly — with or without a lawyer.

Self-representation can be a difficult, time-consuming, and often frightening experience, especially for those burdened by demanding work schedules, family responsibilities, and other obligations of day-to-day living.

Accordingly, those who engage in the difficult task of self-litigation should be REVERED for their COURAGE and DEDICATION, not scorned or abused.

We also need to amass momentous opposition against those persons, agencies, and institutions who, in the interest of protecting huge profits, careers, and prestige, subject self-litigants to a hostile and often abusive litigation atmosphere calculated to suppress self-representation and force people to become completely and financially dependent on lawyers to gain “paid” access to a taxpayer-funded legal system.

http://www.iloveandneedmydaughter.blogspot.com

 

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Dr. Jennifer Kane, sociologist at the University of North Carolina, discusses her recent study regarding the non-monetary support provided by low-income non-custodial fathers and how the research further debunks the deadbeat dad myth.

Title IVe Fraud Investigation Demand Letter Delivery to COMMITTEE ON OVERSIGHT AND GOVERNMENT REFORM.

no2bgreater2bheartbreak2b-2b2015

Linda Gottlieb Quote Parental Alienation - 2015

parental2balienation2baka2bchild2babuse2bis2ba2bcrime2b-2b2016

Stop Emotional Child Abuse - 2015

CONTACT DENIAL IS CHILD ABUSE - STAND UP FOR ZORAYA - 2016

Child support needs to catch up to reflect new roles for fathers, say experts

Why should a custodial parent be allowed to deny access to the other parent?

Child Visitation Hits the Internet

Fatherlessness is the root cause of at least 20 other social problems.

Children Need Both Parents

Family Court Stress Disorder (PTSD)…

Malachi’s Law ” We The Families

Stop Child Abuse for Profit Cause

A Year Without My Daughter Zoraya. Here’s to you Judge Valerie Manno-Schurr.

Would you support social security title IV D and family law reform? Asks ChangePolitics

Judge Manno-Schurr deprives parent of equal parental rights and time with child.

Courts empower alienation in divorce child custody battles when they deprive a parent of the ability to exercise their equal parental rights and time with their child. This leads to parental alienation syndrome.Contact Denial is Child Abuse - 2016

Facebook.com/StandupforZoraya
Stand up for Zoraya

Separating and divorcing parents suffer injuries of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Family Courts.

When Family Court’s Judges enable a party (Parent) to interfere with parental contact without any clear and convincing evidence that the other party (Parent) is harmful or dangerous it is Parental Alienation Child abuse.

Parental Alienation

project-fatherhood-fl-6-2015Parental alienation occurs when a parent intentionally does not honor the other parent’s visitation rights. Oftentimes the child(ren) are taught to become unjustly obsessed with negative qualities of the other parent. Both the parent and the child share antagonistic views of the other parent. The child sometimes will tell the parent that he/she does not want to visit with the parent. This is usually done by the child at the insistence of the other parent.

Oftentimes visitation (time sharing) becomes chronically interfered with. The one sabotages the relationship between the other parent and the child. The parent must take action through the court. Contacting a family law attorney as soon as possible to discuss the problems is imperative. The parent should keep a diary of all the denied visitations (time sharing) as well as the denied telephone calls, holiday visits that were denied, denial of the parents ability to partake in the medical, educational and welfare of the child(ren).

PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PAS) CASE LAW

Facebook.com/StandupforZoraya

Our Family Law System preys on the Parent-Child relationship to increase the business of the courts. We want to educate our legislators to correct this wrong.

Good, …””FIT”…, caring, and loving parents who are cut off from their kids are unable, and most times, do not want to communicate with the “child-contact interfering (alienating) parent” because anything they say will only be twisted and lied about.parental2balienation2b-2b2016

Continue reading “Judge Manno-Schurr deprives parent of equal parental rights and time with child.”

Family Court Judges do not protect or relieve children’s suffering from the emotional impact of high-conflict divorce

Kids and Courts myths and what makes them so dangerous for children.

Myth I: “Judges Protect Children During Divorce.

Do you believe in Dads - 2016That sounds reasonable enough, right? The problem is that judges are not aware of the suffering a child may be experiencing while his/her parents are slugging it out in family court. And even if judges were aware, there isn’t much they can do about it.

Part of the problem is timing. Even in custody and access cases in which judges become involved with children’s issues, that involvement usually doesn’t begin until trial has begun or is imminent.

VAWA evil
VAWA evil (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

And that’s too late to protect against the kind of psychological damage that custody battles and other high-conflict divorces can inflict upon children.

 

 

Parents on the brink of child custody and access battles sometimes find comfort in popular myths that minimize the risks involved to their children. Parents who rely upon those myths do so at the risk of their children’s emotional health.

Carlos Morales CPS Whistleblower - 2015The risk of such damage is substantial. Extensive research has established that the kind of prolonged parental conflict present in these battles is toxic to children who experience it. And as if that weren’t bad enough, battles over children during a divorce (“fully contested divorces”) also deprives children of the very things they need most.

What are those things? A “Top 4 List” of the needs of children of divorce would read something like this:dd0bb-fathers2band2bfamily2bcourts2b-2b2015

  • An end to their parents’ fighting
  • An end to uncertainty about where and with whom they will be living
  • A return to some degree of normalcy in their lives
  • Security in knowing that their parents will continue to love and care for them

Continue reading “Family Court Judges do not protect or relieve children’s suffering from the emotional impact of high-conflict divorce”

Dads Impact The Lives Of Their Children

Image: Amber Katrina Photography

Despite all of society’s advances over the past century, men are still — too often — viewed by some as their own children’s “babysitters”; when in actuality, research supports the irreplaceable role they play in their everyday lives. Chelsea Clinton recently helped unveil a first-of-its-kind report on fatherhood at the United Nations. The “State of the World’s Fathers,” produced by MenCare and its partners, analyzed hundreds of global studies on fatherhood that show why and how fathers matter.

We partnered with Johnson & Johnson to share findings from the report on global fatherhood, as well as from several other studies that examine the powerful and enduring influence fathers can have on their children.

Image: Amber Katrina Photography

1. Their kids play well with others

Playful and affectionate interaction with fathers is shown to predict a child’s positive social-emotional involvement with others.

2. Their partners and babies are healthier

The involvement of fathers before, during and after the birth of a child has been shown to have “lasting benefits,” including positive effects on maternal and newborn health, from increased prenatal and postnatal health-care visits, to more successful breastfeeding, to higher likelihoods parents will seek out immunizations and care for childhood illnesses.

Image: Amber Katrina Photography

Continue reading “Dads Impact The Lives Of Their Children”

Family Court A Neglected Public Issue

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

The Des Moines register is wanting questions to ask the presidential candidates.ChangePolitics Question - Jan2016

They are going to ask the top five questions according to popularity.

Currently the top question is about ANIMAL CRUELTY!!!

If we can top that maybe we can actually get someone to address the issue?

Last night we were in 12th place. We are now in 8th!! 

HELP US, HELP YOU!!
VOTE!!!!
Family Civil Rights Movement - 2015
This is the question:

Would you support social security title IV D and family law reform?

Please go vote for it.

Respectfully,

Thomas FidlerFRM USA - 2015

Support this question!   ~~  WWW.CHANGEPOLITICS.ORG

Florida Election Topic 2015
Removing the winner-gets-the-kids concept would also remove the incentive for parents to focus on each other’s faults, and to “dig up dirt” on each other. It may not be reasonable to expect divorcees to co-parent blissfully, without conflict, but getting off to a less acrimonious start, one that encourages cooperation rather than competition, would certainly seem to have a greater chance of serving the interests of children than the existing system has.

Continue reading “Family Court A Neglected Public Issue”

PLAN™ Takes a Stand Against Parental Alienation | Parent League and Advocacy Network, U.A.

 

 

SUPPORT OUR CAUSE
Children’s Rights

Parental Alienation Dynamics ·  Let no good deed go unpunished. With good intentions Judge Gorcyca acted in the best interest of children. Now that a judge has finally listened, we must stand and rally.

Pathogenic parenting is a child protection issue NOT a  #‎childcustody ‬issue. parental alienation is a child protection issueWhen addressing ‪#‎PathogenicParenting‬, mistakes can and will be made attempting to do the right thing. Mistakes can be fixed. When it comes to a parent emotionally and psychologically abusing children through ‪#‎ParentalAlienation‬and hostile aggressive parenting, “there is no right way to do the wrong thing.”

*********************
CL: If you are a parent that has to deal with lies that have been untested, interference by the custodial parent and a full campaign of hatred from your kids and the ex, you need to speak up on behalf of this judge.

Continue reading “PLAN™ Takes a Stand Against Parental Alienation | Parent League and Advocacy Network, U.A.”

The rights that children have to free and equal association with both fit parents…

…that should not be invaded by the State or infringed upon by another parent.Do you believe in Dads - 2016

NO…STILL DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM?

THINK THIS IS NOT TRUE?

WATCH THIS VIDEO ABOUT HOW FATHERS IN MIAMI-DADE COUNTY‘S 11TH JUDICIAL CIRCUIT FAMILY COURT, IN FLORIDA,  HAVE TO “UNJUSTIFIABLY” PROVE “PARENTAL FITNESS”

The CEO of The Fatherhood Taskforce speaking before the Florida Supreme Court Committee on the Future of Florida‘s Courts.

How Divorced Parents and Children Lose Their Rights

Emery makes many good suggestions in his article called, “How Divorced Parents Lost Their Rights” and has a good grasp on the process from a psychology perspective. We are, of course constitutional scholars and would like to offer a perspective that hopefully integrates and supports most but not all of what Emery says.Source: Laumann-Billings, L. &. Emery, R.E. (2000). Distress among young adults from divorced families. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 671-687.

For instance Emery suggests that courts do not involve themselves with parenting disagreements between married parents because judges would make things a mess.

They would of course  but that is NOT the legal reason that they stay out of it. The legal reason is that people have the right to make decisions free from government interference. These rights are called privacy rights. Parents have privacy rights to make decisions for their children and the State may not interfere unless the state can show a clear and present danger to the child from these decisions.

Why do family law courts treat married and divorced parents differently? Many people do not realize that parental rights do not depend on marriage and in fact cannot depend on marital status in any way. A hundred years ago this wasn’t so and our family law codes have not caught up with this concept. Up until the early 1970s some states still had bastardy laws on their books that tied the rights of parents and children to the marital status of the child’s parents. In a series of landmark decisions, the US Supreme Court stated very clearly that states may not create second-class parents or second-class children based on nothing more than the marital status of the child’s parents.

Family law has not caught up to this idea because of religious and cultural preconditioning. In other words our society builds into us a series of biases and prejudices against single and divorced parents that is so deep most people don’t even realize it is driving their behavior. Most people believe that it is completely legitimate to invade the privacy of single/divorced parents even where they believe that the privacy of married parents must be preserved.

Constitutionally, this is a completely bankrupt idea. Unfortunately, judges, attorneys, and mental health professionals are almost universally so caught up in these biases they refuse to acknowledge their professional training and simply default to bigoted behaviors without even realizing that is what they are doing. (It’s easy to fall into following statistics to guide decisions. Individuals can choose to follow these as their guide. It is not how the law should be deciding individual rights.)

– See more

Continue reading “The rights that children have to free and equal association with both fit parents…”

The myth of the primary parent

It’s often said divorce brings out the worst in people. This is undoubtedly true, but in many cases well-meaning judges often inadvertently make a bad situation worse.

Two recent cases illustrate this problem. Co-Parent - 2016In the first case, a stay-at-home mother in a small town had an extra-marital affair, which led her husband to file for divorce. Their neighbors ostracized the mother to such an extent she decided to move 150 miles away and take the kids with her. Shared Parenting Train - 2015Due Process Right TFRM - 2016The father, who had been an active part of the kids’ lives, understandably didn’t want this to happen since he would now see his children only infrequently.

While the judge was very troubled by the facts before the court, the mother was allowed to move and take the kids with her.

Not only will the kids now see their father only infrequently, they also were uprooted from the only home they had known as well as from their schools, friends and extended family.

The judge’s decision relied heavily on the fact that the mother had been a stay-at-home mother and, in the judge’s eyes, had historically been the “primary” parent.Equal Parents - 2015In the second case, a military father deployed overseas returned home to discover his wife engaged in an extra-marital affair. He filed for divorce and, even though he had been an active parent, the court awarded sole custody of his children to his ex-wife. He now sees his children only every-other-weekend. The judge in this case also based his decision on the notion that the mother had historically been the “primary” parent.

Many people are troubled by these cases because it appears the guilty party was rewarded and the innocent parties wronged. The initial outcomes certainly seem unfair. However, this isn’t the worst part of these decisions. Not only are the initial outcomes unfair, these decisions put the children at risk for very negative long-term consequences.contact-denial-is-child-abuse-stand-up-for-zoraya-20161

Children affected by divorce fare worse, on average, on nearly every measure of health and emotional well-being including a greater risk of academic problems, alcohol and drug use, poor social skills, depression and suicide, delinquency and incarceration, and poorer physical health and early mortality. The reason for all this has much to do with the fact that one of the two most important people in a child’s life is often relegated to the role of an infrequent visitor, as the above examples illustrate.

This problem may have far-reaching repercussions for all of us. Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook school shooter, is reported to have gone downhill when divorce separated him from his father. One leading researcher calls this issue “a serious public health problem.”

These cases are based on the myth that one parent is the primary parent.

Judges often decide cases this way even though there is no legal or mental health basis for it. More than three dozen studies over the past 20 years have found that when both parents are loving and competent, which is the case most of the time, a shared parenting arrangement — with joint decision making and near-equal parenting time — provide the best outcomes for their children.

This myth seems to have arisen from a legal presumption called the “approximation rule,” which was proposed more than 20 years ago and eventually rejected. parent_child_quality_child_parental_alienation_pas_12Nonetheless, many lawyers, psychologists and judges still follow it because of its superficial neutrality and simplicity. Like many simplistic solutions, however, it’s simply wrong.

Besides creating bad outcomes for children, the approximation rule also encourages the very thing it originally hoped to prevent — parental conflict. This pernicious myth is so destructive that many states have now moved away from it.

In Arizona, for example, that state’s custody law previously allowed judges to consider “whether one parent, both parents or neither parent has provided primary care of the child” when making custody decisions. The Arizona legislature has repealed this language and now directs courts to maximize the parenting time of both parents whenever possible.

baby-mama-2015In Nebraska, unfortunately, sole custody is still the norm. Mothers are awarded sole physical custody in 62 percent of cases and fathers in 10 percent of cases. Joint custody is awarded in only 25 percent of Nebraska divorces.

There is no legal or medical basis for the primary parent myth. Scientific research shows that every-other-weekend parenting time arrangements are harmful to children, yet they still are ordered routinely in many cases. The Legislature should stop this public health crisis and make shared parenting the norm in Nebraska as it has become in other states.

Dr. Les Veskrna is a family physician and executive director of the Children’s Rights Council of Nebraskasad_man14

Source: Local View ~ The myth of the primary parent – Opinion

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World4Justice · Cyber Protest · 2016

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January 16January 29  –  Jan 16 at 12:05 AM to Jan 29 at 3:05 AM in UTC

WORLDWIDE!

Target 2016 to make as many e-mail, phone in and snail mail correspondence with the politicians as possible to see who puts Family Justice and Child Welfare at the top of their political agenda! So e-mail, write and call a radio call in TODAY!

Purple Keyboard Campaign 4 Family Justice Law Reform - 2015

Florida Election Topic 2015
Removing the winner-gets-the-kids concept would also remove the incentive for parents to focus on each other’s faults, and to “dig up dirt” on each other. It may not be reasonable to expect divorcees to co-parent blissfully, without conflict, but getting off to a less acrimonious start, one that encourages cooperation rather than competition, would certainly seem to have a greater chance of serving the interests of children than the existing system has.

Continue reading “World4Justice · Cyber Protest · 2016”