The Fatherless Effect On Women’s Relationships

    Introduction

     Children being raised without fathers is an epidemic in the United States that is on the rise.  When speaking of absentee fathers, I am referring to to fathers who are uninvolved or who appear every so often in a child’s life.   These fathers do not seem to realize that their absence negatively effects their children.  Most research focuses only on the children and not how the absence of a father continues to affect these children into adulthood.

My research paper delves into the topic of fatherless women and how their romantic relationships are affected. My favorite part of the paper is when I intertwine the fatherless woman syndrome with the adult attachment theoryi-am-a-fatherless-daughter-2015This is where the reader can see a clear connection and realize why some fatherless women have a string of bad relationships. Creating this research paper did prove to be a little difficult.

I originally wanted to investigate the effects of fatherlessness on both men and women . However, finding information pertaining to adult males was challenging. Almost all the information I found about fatherless adults were on women.  So the worst part of putting this research paper together was finding the information I needed.   The lack of information relates to the worst part of my paper. My paper only reveals the effects on fatherless women and not the effects on men.   Hopefully in the future research will start to emerge about men and how they too are affected.

Absentee Fathers and How They Effect Women’s Relationships

    Envision a child who can not remember how his or her fathers looks. That child constantly wonders if the men he or she passes by could in fact be daddy. This child has no memories of any special time spent with the father. The little girl or boy has no idea of the fathers personality. All he or she knows is that the stranger on the telephone who calls a few times a year, calls himself dad. Unfortunately, this scenario happens often to over twenty one million children across the United States (Linzy, 2011). These children have many negative outcomes from being raised without a father in their lives. But, the side effects do not just stop once that child turns eighteen. Often overlooked are the effects that an absentee father has on his adult children, particularly women.

    Women who have been raised without a father in their lives can be effected in various ways. Of particular importance is the way women’s romantic relationships are effected. John Bowlby developed the attachment theory which helps in understanding the intimate relationships between human beings. It is believed that if infants have an insecure relationship with their caregiver that normal social and emotional development will not occur (Fraley, 2010). In reference to fatherless women Blankenhorn (1996) states, “because they are deprived of a stable relationship with a non exploitative adult male who loves them, these girls, can remain developmentally ‘stuck,’ struggling with issues of security and trust that well fathered girls have already successfully resolved” (10).

    Looking at past research, it is possible to state that the attachment style of an adult in a relationship, may be a partial reflection on that adults experiences with his or her caregiver. Women who have been raised without fathers tend to experience insecurity within their relationships. The attachment styles that relate to these insecurities are preoccupied attachment, dismissing – avoidant attachment and fearful – avoidant attachment (Becker-Phelps, 2011) .

    Barras (2000) states, “There is a direct link between being fatherless and the likelihood of being in a dysfunctional relationship”.  Women who have been raised without a father often possess the fatherless woman syndrome (67). This syndrome consists of five primary categories that deal directly with a woman’s romantic relationships.  The first category in the fatherless woman syndrome is the un – factor.

This occurs when the woman suffers from low self esteem and feels that no one could ever want or love her. This correlates to the woman’s relationship as a child with her dad. According to Blankenhorn (1996), “A father plays a distinctive role in shaping a daughter’s sexual style and her understanding of the male – female bond.

A father’s love and involvement builds a daughters confidence in her own femininity and contributes to her sense that she is worth loving” (11). The woman who fits into this category may believe that because her father was not in her life, that she is not worthy enough to have anyone romantically involved in her life. Why would anyone want her if her own father did not? A woman who felt these feelings of unworthiness would possess the fearful – avoidant attachment style.

Women who are characterized with this attachment style tend to be distrusting of their partners and often have expectations of getting hurt by their partner (Becker-Phelps, 2011) . Unfortunately for the woman, she tends to act in a way that causes her significant other to end the relationship. So her prophecy becomes true, however she is unaware of her part in it (Barras, 2000, p. 67).

Continue reading “The Fatherless Effect On Women’s Relationships”

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About

Fighting to preserve Parent–Child relationships to improve the lives of children and strengthen society by protecting the child’s right to the love and care of both parents after separation/divorce.

“Children’s Rights” is not just about Fathers, it’s also about Children, Mothers, Families, Public Advocacy, Civil Rights and Liberties. This Children’s Rights Facebook Group, Page and Cause have been created for positive outreach, networking, distribution and discussion of information related to our cause.

CHILDREN’S RIGHTS
• A continuing relationship with both parents.

• Be treated not as a piece of property, but as a human being recognized to have unique feelings, ideas, and desires consistent with that of an individual.

• Continuing care and proper guidance from each parent.

• Not to be unduly influenced by either parent to view the other parent differently.

• Express love, friendship, and respect for both parents: freedom from having to hide those stated emotions or made to be ashamed of such.

• An explanation that the impending action of divorce was in no way caused by the child’s actions.

• Not to be the subject and/or source of any and all arguments.

• Continuing, honest feedback with respect to the divorce process and its impact on the changing relationships of the family.

• Maintain regular contact with both parents and a clear explanation for any change in plans and/or cancellations.

• Enjoy a pleasurable relationship with both parents, never to be employed as a manipulative bargaining tool.

• The obligation of being a parent does not end after a divorce.

It is extremely important to understand that the bond of marriage is completely different from that of parents. This is the most common downfall in today’s society, as a dissolution of marriage takes place so does that of parenting.

 

A WORD ABOUT SELF REPRESENTATION ~ The Sixth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution has been interpreted to provide EVERY AMERICAN with the CONSTITUTIONAL right to self-representation, if they so choose. That privilege, like all other constitutional rights, should be enjoyed without fear of harassment, prejudice, or abuse.

Furthermore, no law, regulation, or policy should exist to abridge or surreptitiously extinguish that right. Self-Represented Litigants have no less of a right to FAIR and MEANINGFUL due process under the federal and state constitutions as those individuals who choose to utilize an attorney for their legal affairs and issues. In fact, NOWHERE in any state or federal constitution does it specify that the hiring of a lawyer is a prerequisite to exercising one’s due process rights.

Democratic principles dictate that we have the right to freely choose between self-representation and hiring a lawyer to handle our legal matters without suffering humiliation, prejudice, or penalization. After all, it is the parties to the litigation that ultimately have to deal with the consequences of the case’s outcome, and not the judge or the lawyers involved in the matter.

Contrary to the view of certain judges and lawyers, those who opt to litigate their own legal matters without an attorney are NOT second-class citizens deserving of contempt and injustice. Instead, they are BRAVE CITIZENS with an inalienable right to have their legal causes adjudicated objectively and justly — with or without a lawyer.

Self-representation can be a difficult, time-consuming, and often frightening experience, especially for those burdened by demanding work schedules, family responsibilities, and other obligations of day-to-day living.

Accordingly, those who engage in the difficult task of self-litigation should be REVERED for their COURAGE and DEDICATION, not scorned or abused.

We also need to amass momentous opposition against those persons, agencies, and institutions who, in the interest of protecting huge profits, careers, and prestige, subject self-litigants to a hostile and often abusive litigation atmosphere calculated to suppress self-representation and force people to become completely and financially dependent on lawyers to gain “paid” access to a taxpayer-funded legal system.

http://www.iloveandneedmydaughter.blogspot.com

 

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Dr. Jennifer Kane, sociologist at the University of North Carolina, discusses her recent study regarding the non-monetary support provided by low-income non-custodial fathers and how the research further debunks the deadbeat dad myth.

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“Alienated children seem to have a secret wish for someone to call their bluff”   ~~  Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child; it has to be taught.   ILOVEANDNEEDMYDAUGHTER.BLOGSPOT.COM

 

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Final Response to Dr. Mercer ~   I received the following Comment from Dr. Mercer.  Since it requires a more elaborated response than I can provide in the Comment section of this blog, I decided to respond as a post.

Here is the Comment from Dr. Mercer:

Can you tell me what was the age of the youngest child you have ever treated? Can you tell me how you ascertain whether or not there is a “good reason” for the child’s rejection? Can you tell me how often you find that you must tell a rejected parent that there seems to have been a reason for the child’s rejection, so you cannot use your treatment to address the problem?I don’t have a treatment to suggest, and if I did that fact would be irrelevant to the empirical questions I’m asking. As I said to one of your advocates, the burden of proof is on you, not…

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Judge Gorcyca: PA most devastating IssueJudge Gorcyca gets it. Acknowledges that Parental Alienation is horrid and all who work in court system know it occurs in our family courts and that its a devastating issue. – APRIL25.WEEBLY.COMbaby-mama-2015Super Dad’s Whos Kids have angry moms

Dr. Craig Childress: Attachment Based "Parental Alienation" (AB-PA)

I received the following Comment from Dr. Mercer.  Since it requires a more elaborated response than I can provide in the Comment section of this blog, I decided to respond as a post.

Here is the Comment from Dr. Mercer:

Can you tell me what was the age of the youngest child you have ever treated? Can you tell me how you ascertain whether or not there is a “good reason” for the child’s rejection? Can you tell me how often you find that you must tell a rejected parent that there seems to have been a reason for the child’s rejection, so you cannot use your treatment to address the problem?

I don’t have a treatment to suggest, and if I did that fact would be irrelevant to the empirical questions I’m asking. As I said to one of your advocates, the burden of proof is on you, not…

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I have seen the worst of Parental Alienation

Sometimes when parents are divorced or unmarried parents are no longer together, one parent decides that she does not want the child‘s other parent in his life. She may go to vast lengths to turn the child against his other parent by telling lies, denying visitation and convincing the child he doesn’t need his other parent. This is called parental alienation syndrome. The effects of this can be damaging to children and may be very difficult to reverse.

Having had my Sons withheld from 19th September 2007 till 15th February 2012 I have seen the worst of Parental Alienation! During 2012 I have sought to rekindle my relationship with my Sons now aged 16 and 13 and believe me it ain’t easy!
  • Encourage the child to talk about how she feels about the alienated parent. Listen for words or terms that are not typically used by children, such as words beyond their vocabulary level and those that are likely to have originated with the alienating parent. Statements such as “he touched me inappropriately” or “she abused me” are examples. Young children, especially, do not commonly use words such as “inappropriately” or “abused” without being taught them specifically.
  • Ask him why he feels that way about the alienated parent and when he began to feel that way. Use his answers to determine the cause of these feelings to determine whether he has been coached by the alienating parent. For instance, if the child claims that he is afraid his father will hurt him, ask him why. If he cannot give an answer, lead him gently by asking more direct questions, such as whether his father has ever been hit him before and if not, why he thinks it is possible now. If a child cannot answer these questions or seems confused, parental alienation is likely the cause.
  • Give the child examples of how his alienated parent has been there for him and done nice things for him. Show him that the alienated parent really does love him and wants to be a part of his life by showing him pictures of him with the alienated parent and projects they did together. He may have been told that the alienated parent doesn’t care about him, love him or want to see him.
  • Approach the alienating parent for help if you feel she will cooperate. Some parents do not realize what they are doing and if you approach the subject, they may be willing to change and help. Let her know what the consequences of parental alienation can be and ask her to help the child develop a good relationship with his other parent.
  • Allow the child to spend time with his alienated parent without interference from the other parent. This includes no phone calls or emails during the visitation. If the child can spend time alone with the alienated parent, he may change his mind on his own.
  • Seek out the help of a professional who specializes in parental alienation. You may need to search around a bit to find a therapist willing to take on a parental alienation case, but a therapist may be necessary in extreme cases when nothing else has worked. The therapist often sees the alienated parent and the child together to gauge their interactions and to help the child speak to the alienated parent. The therapist leads the discussion and helps the alienated parent show the child that he loves her and that they were once happy together. The therapist is also likely to hold individual sessions with each parent and with the child. However, unlike typical therapy, the therapist must be firm and forceful in his approach to effectively reverse the effects of parental alienation. The therapist will also use a combination of reasoning and emotional exploration to get through to the child.
  • Petition the court to remove the child from the custody of the alienating parent if the case is severe and it seems as though the alienating parent is not going to change. In some cases, the alienating parent has so much control over the child that no amount of help can reverse the effects as long as that parent is in the picture. This step should only be taken as a last resort, and there is no guarantee that the court will agree to remove the alienating parent from the child’s life completely.

References

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Parental Alienation

Criteria for Differentiating Between PAS and Bona Fide Abuse-Neglect in Children

Inducing a PAS in a child is a form of abuse. After all, it can result in the attentuation and even permanent destruction of the psychological bond between loving parents and their children. It is a form of emotional abuse, however, that is different from physical abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse. Here the term abuse will generally refer to physical abuse and, to a lesser degree, sexual abuse. Included also in such abuse would be such behaviors as frequent menacing, threatening, hovering, and other forms of child intimidation.

Taken from DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME AND BONA FIDE ABUSE-NEGLECT

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An Alienated Child and Targeted Parent’s Story

Fathers have become undervalued, family structure has become disposable, children suffer without both parents but so often father is left out, seen as nonessential. Let’s correct this by bringing attention to it! With so many children lacking trusted guardians, we encourage and celebrate any parent willing and able to stand up as an example of unconditional love for their child. We believe children have a right to a meaningful, loving relationship with both their parents.

Facebook.com/StandupforZoraya
Facebook.com/StandupforZoraya

Similar to Actor Jason Patric‘s Stand Up For Gus cause; Stand Up For Zoraya is the story and cause of a hardworking father who put his best foot forward to establish child support, shared parental responsibility, normal and reasonable time-sharing with his daughter.contact-denial-is-child-abuse-stand-up-for-zoraya-20161

We need support to take this case to the Florida Supreme Court and we’re working with Florida politicians to sponsor a bill that would criminalize Parental Alienation and Color of Law Abuses in the Florida (Miami-Dade County‘s) Family Court System.

Learn how this Family Court System is injuring this father and child. Zoraya and David Inguanzo, an Alienated Child and Targeted Parent are desperately trying to maintain a meaningful relationship despite unjust court intervention and vexatious and malicious family law litigation by opposing party.

facebook.com/ParentalAlienationMiamiFlorida
Facebook.com/StandupforZoraya

Since January of 2009, we’re happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental Alienation, for the betterment of our children’s psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies.

Normalizing - 2016

In addition, FathersStand Up For Zoraya hopes to shed light on and reform an antiquated loopholes in our Legal Adversarial system in Family Law that degrades a father’s role.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
An Alienated Child and Targeted Parent are desperately trying to maintain a meaningful relationship

Please help if you can by making a small donation to:Children's Rights Facebook Proup - 2015
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Facebook Page – Blog        contact denial - How many days - 2015STOP Court’s Denial of Reasonable Parent/Child Contact

December 24 letter from Greenberg - Nixa Rose
“Changing a child last name (away from the father’s) is an act of venom”

judge judy

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