Divorce Visitation Requests from Your Child (by: Dr. Anne Brown, PhD, RN) – DivorceForce
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please remember my life has been turned upside down and I never had a vote. I don’t have a rulebook to negotiate waters totally unfamiliar to me. It is really hard for me to understand that my family has broken up. I feel scared that I will loose one or both of you. I don’t know what to do with all the bad feelings I have. It would really mean a lot to me if you could do a few things to help me with the land mines I seem to be stepping on. Thanks for taking the time to listen.
1. Remember Your “ex” is my Family!
I now have the best and worst of both of you. I don’t get to divorce anyone. Whatever you didn’t like about your spouse, I now have to deal with all by myself. I don’t know how, so I am going to have to figure that out without a rule- book. Your “ex” is my Dad or Mom so if you can’t help me have a good relationship, please don’t make things more difficult.
2. Don’t Use Me!
I am not your messenger. Do not interrogate me. I don’t know what will upset you. I am going to have to figure the “what information goes where” thing and that in itself is pretty crazy for my age. Do not “dump” your anger at your “ex” on me please. When I start to look, sound, and have mannerisms, like my parent your “ex” don’t be surprised and don’t blame me. You at one time wanted me to be a combination of both of you, remember!
When you interrogate me to get information about what is going on in “the other house” and you use that information for your “ex” issues, I will probably get in trouble. Make it safe for me to come to you to be able to talk about and get tools to handle things I don’t know how to handle in “the other house”.