I don’t know if this is an appropriate post for this group, and I know I am not a Father, or a man – I just felt inclined to write something from the perspective of a child – that has seen a father, my father, go through what so many of you are going through.
I know I can never fully fathom what my Father had went through, let alone the pain that is in all of your hearts, after being separated from your children – it’s absolutely devastating, and sickening that Mothers can turn so manipulative and mean, and cause so much pain, using children as a manipulation tactic against you. I know even after all of my Father’s rights were taken away (literally, from weekend visits, to supervised visits) because my Mother, like many of your ex’s lied to the court system, and completely eradicated any rights he did have.
My father once fought to the extremity to just even see us, call us, talk to us for five minutes on the phone, and it makes me so sad to know how much time had been wasted, not being able to even connect with my Father. With that being said there is hope, and this is what this comment was about. I know usually it does not come granted through the court system, since it’s completely biased, and one sided, but there is hope.
Never give up, because your children, everyday, think about you. Miss you, love you, and you are in their hearts and you will forever have a place there, there is nothing in this world that could replace you, you are planted there, like a tree, with roots of love that will never be eradicated by any court system, any manipulative mother, any lies, distance or time. I know there wasn’t a day that didn’t go by I didn’t think about my Father, and despite how I was deluded at a young age into believing my Father had neglected me, and abandoned me, i came to the realization the only person who lied to me was, of course, my Mother.
Through the pain, I still carried him with me in my heart, and everything that I am now, is because of the influence of my father – the memories I carried through out the years of him, the times we had together, most of my memories are tinged with him. I know this doesn’t change any of your situations. I don’t even know if this is appropriate. Just a comment of encouragement, reminding you all, that in all of your children’s heart, you are there – and you take up the vast majority. Despite your ex’s manipulative tactics, despite everything that has happened, despite the distance and time that goes by. You are there. In their hearts, and they will grow up and come to the realization, just how great of Fathers you all are. They will perceive further than the lies that their mothers have cast out, and when the courts or their Mothers have no hold on them anymore, they will find a way back to you.
Never give up – you are their light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how hard and how painful it is – and trust me, seeing how broken my father was, I have an idea of how hard it truly is, how much pain emitted from him. Again I cannot truly understand. I just wanted to tell you all, in case you were on the verge of giving up, or thinking that it’s too late, or that the mothers have completely brainwashed them. From the eyes of a child who saw this happen to my Father, just know. You are in our hearts, forever and always.
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This is the standard mental health response to all forms of child abuse. This is the standard mental health response to physical child abuse. This is the standard mental health response to sexual child abuse. This is the standard mental health response to psychological child abuse. Diagnosis guides treatment.
Pathogenic parenting that is creating significant developmental pathology in the child (diagnostic indicator 1), personality disorder pathology in the child (diagnostic indicator 2), and delusional-psychiatric pathology in the child (diagnostic indicator 3) in order to meet the emotional and psychological needs of the parent represents a DSM-5 diagnosis of V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed.
Just a day after the Michigan Judicial Tenure Commission censured Gorcyca, she was applauded in her courtroom.
According to one court-watcher who was present, “I was in Gorcyca’s courtroom this morning (her first day back). It was packed…and loud. Never saw it like that before. Attorneys everywhere…even filling the juror box and standing because seats full Then when they said “All Rise for Judge Gorycyca” huge eruption of applause. She had a bouquet of flowers. She thanked them and then told them to get back to their hearings. They laughed. Then 90% of them left and as they left, shook David Gocyca’s hand at the door like a receiving line.”
The week before, Judge Daniel Ryan found that Judge Gorcyca violated several canons of judicial ethics.
Specifically, Judge Ryan found that Judge Gorcyca did not apply civil contempt properly, “It is a disciplinary action which stands for the singular proposition that if a judge is going to use the inherent power of contempt, the ultimate “tool in the tool box” after years of “frustration,” the judge may wish to consult the owner’s manual to make sure that she or he are using the tool properly before employing one of the 34 penultimate tools of inherent judicial power, a contempt finding, to deprive any individual, or children in this case, of their liberty,”
This is not the first time members of the legal profession, specifically those who are likely to practice in front of Judge Gorcyca, have come to her defense after she became the subject of international derision for sentencing the three Tsimhoni kids to juvenile hall for not having lunch with their father.
The Cause “Stand Up For Zoraya” celebrates the love fathers have for their daughters, inspiring them to embrace the important role they hold in their daughters’ lives and to provide the love, nurture, and emotional support that only they can give.
Stand Up For Zoraya is the voice of the child Since January of 2009, we’re happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental Alienation, for the betterment of our children’s psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies.
In addition, Stand Up For Zoraya hopes to shed light on and reform an antiquated loopholes in our Legal Adversarial system in Family Law that degrades a father’s role. My fight my battle is not mine alone. I will not stoop to your level God knows my heart. I refuse to live in sadness I know God will make things right. I leave it in God’s hand.
Celebrates the love fathers have for their daughters
Power UP for national Parents Day holiday – IT’S THE LAW!
Mothers Day, Fathers Day, etc….. but PARENTS Day is the most powerful of all for family rights, by express command of federal law!
Parents Day is an official federal holiday, just like New Years Day, Presidents Day, Christmas, and the rest. Every federal holiday is based on a particular federal statute authorizing/enacting said holiday… The *entire* statute for Parents Day is short and sweet, yet ultra-powerful for…
From the notion which a) ignores the rigid definition of their roles and b) insists they are culturally favored.
From the tendency to evaluate themselves and each other by the degree to which they meet an impossible ideal.
From conditioned competitiveness and the fear of sharing failures, anxieties and disappointments with one another.
From a mistrust of their feelings and instincts and an over reliance on logical thought processes.
From the notion that violent action confirms and enhances their manliness.
From a relative ignorance of their bodily functions and disdain for their body’s warning signals.
From their conditioning to pacify and protect women, thereby inhibiting them from expressing their true feelings.
From the pressure to be what they are not in preparation for their success role.
From an over reliance on their jobs for a sense of identity.
From conflict between their polygamous sexual conditioning as youths, and society’s expectation that they will overcome that conditioning after marriage.
From preoccupation with sexual technique and from imperatives to concentrate on satisfying their partners sexually, seemingly at the expense of their own sexual pleasure.
From the social barriers and pressures which stand in the way of their establishing close emotional friendships with other men.
From the inclination to turn their wives into permission giving mother figures.
From the need to prove their worthiness as protectors and providers.
From feelings of inadequacy in matters of child care and child rearing.
From feelings which inhibit them from developing a closer more emotional relationship with their children.
From divorce laws which presume the naturally superior capabilities of women to care for children and which stereotype men as wallets.
From national conscription practices which play on their traditional role as protector of the family and society.
From harsher treatment under law for criminal violations than the treatment accorded to women in matters of arrest, conviction and sentencing.
From the notion that as a class they oppress women any more than women as a class oppress them, or than society in general oppresses both sexes through stereotyping.
Children being raised without fathers is an epidemic in the United States that is on the rise. When speaking of absentee fathers, I am referring to to fathers who are uninvolved or who appear every so often in a child’s life. These fathers do not seem to realize that their absence negatively effects their children. Most research focuses only on the children and not how the absence of a father continues to affect these children into adulthood.
My research paper delves into the topic of fatherless women and how their romantic relationships are affected. My favorite part of the paper is when I intertwine the fatherless woman syndrome with the adult attachment theory. This is where the reader can see a clear connection and realize why some fatherless women have a string of bad relationships. Creating this research paper did prove to be a little difficult.
I originally wanted to investigate the effects of fatherlessness on both men and women . However, finding information pertaining to adult males was challenging. Almost all the information I found about fatherless adults were on women. So the worst part of putting this research paper together was finding the information I needed. The lack of information relates to the worst part of my paper. My paper only reveals the effects on fatherless women and not the effects on men. Hopefully in the future research will start to emerge about men and how they too are affected.
Absentee Fathers and How They Effect Women’s Relationships
Envision a child who can not remember how his or her fathers looks. That child constantly wonders if the men he or she passes by could in fact be daddy. This child has no memories of any special time spent with the father. The little girl or boy has no idea of the fathers personality. All he or she knows is that the stranger on the telephone who calls a few times a year, calls himself dad. Unfortunately, this scenario happens often to over twenty one million children across the United States (Linzy, 2011). These children have many negative outcomes from being raised without a father in their lives. But, the side effects do not just stop once that child turns eighteen. Often overlooked are the effects that an absentee father has on his adult children, particularly women.
Women who have been raised without a father in their lives can be effected in various ways. Of particular importance is the way women’s romantic relationships are effected. John Bowlby developed the attachment theory which helps in understanding the intimate relationships between human beings. It is believed that if infants have an insecure relationship with their caregiver that normal social and emotional development will not occur (Fraley, 2010). In reference to fatherless women Blankenhorn (1996) states, “because they are deprived of a stable relationship with a non exploitative adult male who loves them, these girls, can remain developmentally ‘stuck,’ struggling with issues of security and trust that well fathered girls have already successfully resolved” (10).
Looking at past research, it is possible to state that the attachment style of an adult in a relationship, may be a partial reflection on that adults experiences with his or her caregiver. Women who have been raised without fathers tend to experience insecurity within their relationships. The attachment styles that relate to these insecurities are preoccupied attachment, dismissing – avoidant attachment and fearful – avoidant attachment (Becker-Phelps, 2011) .
Barras (2000) states, “There is a direct link between being fatherless and the likelihood of being in a dysfunctional relationship”. Women who have been raised without a father often possess the fatherless woman syndrome (67). This syndrome consists of five primary categories that deal directly with a woman’s romantic relationships. The first category in the fatherless woman syndrome is the un – factor.
This occurs when the woman suffers from low self esteem and feels that no one could ever want or love her. This correlates to the woman’s relationship as a child with her dad. According to Blankenhorn (1996), “A father plays a distinctive role in shaping a daughter’s sexual style and her understanding of the male – female bond.
A father’s love and involvement builds a daughters confidence in her own femininity and contributes to her sense that she is worth loving” (11). The woman who fits into this category may believe that because her father was not in her life, that she is not worthy enough to have anyone romantically involved in her life. Why would anyone want her if her own father did not? A woman who felt these feelings of unworthiness would possess the fearful – avoidant attachment style.
Women who are characterized with this attachment style tend to be distrusting of their partners and often have expectations of getting hurt by their partner (Becker-Phelps, 2011) . Unfortunately for the woman, she tends to act in a way that causes her significant other to end the relationship. So her prophecy becomes true, however she is unaware of her part in it (Barras, 2000, p. 67).
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please remember my life has been turned upside down and I never had a vote. I don’t have a rulebook to negotiate waters totally unfamiliar to me. It is really hard for me to understand that my family has broken up. I feel scared that I will loose one or both of you. I don’t know what to do with all the bad feelings I have. It would really mean a lot to me if you could do a few things to help me with the land mines I seem to be stepping on. Thanks for taking the time to listen.
I am not your messenger. Do not interrogate me. I don’t know what will upset you. I am going to have to figure the “what information goes where” thing and that in itself is pretty crazy for my age. Do not “dump” your anger at your “ex” on me please. When I start to look, sound, and have mannerisms, like my parent your “ex” don’t be surprised and don’t blame me. You at one time wanted me to be a combination of both of you, remember!
When you interrogate me to get information about what is going on in “the other house” and you use that information for your “ex” issues, I will probably get in trouble. Make it safe for me to come to you to be able to talk about and get tools to handle things I don’t know how to handle in “the other house”.
In fact, when I discussed the Detroit ‘throw the kids in juvy’ case recently, I was surprised to read the judge’s comments alleging parental alienation. In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that a seasoned professional would believe in junk science – upon further investigation I learned that the parentectomy diagnosis is alive and well in family courts throughout the land.
A typical family court parentectomy diagnosis goes like this: One parent, typically the non-custodial child-support paying one, claims that the other parent, typically the custodial child-support receiving one, has alienated the children against him or her. An official diagnosis usually involves a divorce lawyer and a so-called “mental health professional” or two working for the aggrieved and allegedly alienated parent.
Of course in reality this is a misdiagnosis and the parent claiming to be the victim of a parentectomy is almost always suffering from an entirely different malady – let’s call it the ‘walletectomy’. This syndrome occurs when a litigant becomes estranged and alienated from his wallet due to child support payments. Is this all-too- common misdiagnosis a mistake? Do the lawyers and judges involved really believe the parent is suffering from a parentectomy and not the much more obvious and far less serious walletectomy?
Is family court a corrupt money-driven system?
You be the judge.
Persuasive Rhetoric refers to using language in an emotionally laden manner with the purpose of convincing the audience of some particular perspective.
Persuasive Rhetoric is a tool for selling ideas, beliefs and positions on a given topic or subject. It is unrelated to truth. It only refers to the spin, the story and the goal of winning over the audience. Nothing in the message requires truth.
In this context, the alienating parent will allege something either entirely untrue or grossly distorted regarding the targeted parent. It is done with such emotion and tenacity, that the audience is typically drawn into its message. Then the alienating parent does the same thing with another listener. Now there is a group of three who all believe the same either untrue or grossly distorted thing.
There are now three voices in this chorus, and the intensity level tends to increase with the volume and the numbers of those involved. Then someone in this group of three relates this to another person, who questions it but is told that several other people told them the same thing, so it must be true. This new “convert” to the distortion then unwittingly spreads the distortion to someone else, and to someone else, and to someone else.
Socrates, the story goes, is approached by a man who wants to tell him some urgent news. Before he does this, Socrates stops him and says he would first like to ask him three questions before he tells his story. The man agrees.
The first question is, “do you know the person to whom this news occurred?”
Answer: “No, but I know someone who does know them. “
Question two: “did you witness the event yourself?”
Answer: “No, but I spoke to someone who was there.”
Question Three: ” Is the news good or bad?”
Answer: “It would be considered bad news.”
Socrates reviews accordingly, “You do not know the person to whom this happened, you only heard about it from someone who says they were there, and it is bad news. Thank you, but I think I would rather not listen to this news.”
Rightly or wrongly, we humans do tend to be herd animals. Due to our wiring and our evolution, when the herd is exposed to some message that is potentially dangerous or at least negative, we do tend to give it extra weight, and then pass it on.
This is a self-protective reflex that is easily exploited by the alienating parent in their mission to obliterate the targeted parent in Parental Alienation cases.
Since the words “Parental Alienation” were first uttered within a family court room, it comes as no surprise that the echoes emanating from adversaries within both the mental health and legal environments have blurred and tarnished the very concept and, at times, left it unrecognizable. The side opposing an assertion of Parental Alienation is tasked with discrediting, disputing and demeaning it, hoping to convince the court to ultimately reject it. The adversarial process within the family court will predictably batter the concept about a good deal. Consequently, much misinformation, partial information and outright untruths and fabrications emerge and begin to fester.
When one considers that arguing attorneys and family law judges typically learn about Parental Alienation via arguments, examinations and cross examinations in court, it should not be surprising that such understandings are usually limited to the facts of a particular case, and are not necessarily characteristic of specific knowledge acquisition. In other words, the understandings about Parental Alienation as born through litigation are anecdotal and unique, far from a balanced and complete instruction. Judges and attorneys may hear about Parental Alienation from expert witnesses who have essentially been hired to discredit it or to assert it, and their information may be distorted or contaminated by the need to persuade (i.e., biased). In other words, the adversarial environment where it is argued is ripe for distortions and partial truths. What is important to know is that there have been specific arguments created to discredit it that can be shown to be absolutely false. For example, the argument that it is not accepted by the professional community can be shown to be absolutely false. The argument about its presence or absence in the DSM-5 can be answered completely and affirmatively. The argument that it is “junk science” can be shown to be completely unsupported by the scientific literature.
“inalienable fundamental rights to which a person is inherently entitled simply because she or he is a human being.”
Divorce Sagas Which Can Cause Psychological Damage To Family Members ESPECIALLY Children
Author of Access Denied, The Wretched, The Roots of Evil, The Ghost of Clothes, Omonolidee, First Words and Unzipped: The Mind of a Madman, along with numerous short stories, poems and articles.
A Site To Teach Parents how to Protect themselves and their Children from being abused by Child Protection Services
A Blog about Parental Alienation, & Corruption in the Courts
Bringing Awareness to FALSE Allegations of Domestic Violence
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