Children need two parents, not just one, especially in instances of divorce.

Shared Parenting Train - 2015

Shared parenting bill is best for families.

| Columnists | stltoday.com

At its core, the shared parenting bill that overwhelmingly passed the Missouri Legislature and heads to Gov. Jay Nixon is common sense: Children need two parents, not just one, especially in instances of divorce.

What’s more, HB 1550 doesn’t stop at common sense. It’s based on a growing body of evidence showing that children desperately want and need shared parenting, not the current status quo of sole custody, when their parents divorce.

Plus, this bill represents a solution for all. It doesn’t favor women. It isn’t partial to men. Instead, it’s family-friendly and encourages judges to give children what they most want and need — shared parenting. With shared parenting, the roles that mothers and fathers both play in their children’s lives receive equal respect, and rightfully so. Equal Parents - 2015

Continue reading “Children need two parents, not just one, especially in instances of divorce.”

To My Dad

A Tribute to My Father: The First Good Man I Ever Loved

Dad, I love you for an infinite number of reasons.

http://iloveandneedmydaughter.blogspot.com/2011/10/who-is-she.html
Who Is She?

I feel so blessed to have you as my father and I’m thankful for the wonderful life you have given me. In honor of Father’s Day, I would like to celebrate you: a magnificent man, a loyal, loving husband, a devoted father, and a true friend.

Please know that my list of gratitude is endless and continues to grow with each passing day.

Thank you for falling madly in love with Charlene Campo and marrying her 41 years ago. Thank you for showing me that news headlines are not the norm; men can actually love women faithfully and unconditionally – for a lifetime.

Thank you for knowing you wanted to be a father.daughter-and-dad-20152

Thank you for providing me with a never-ending sense of physical safety and emotional security whenever I’m with you, even if we are with my husband.

Thank you for constantly showering me with heartfelt hugs and kisses. And to this day, thanks for squeezing my cheeks so hard I sometimes yelp, “Ouch, Dad!”

Thank you for crying in front of me when I was 9 years old when you found out your father had died.

Thank you for encouraging me to play on the boy’s baseball team because there was not a girl’s baseball team for my age group.

Thank you for leaving work early to watch me play sports, and thank you for always cheering so loud that I knew it was undeniably your voice emanating from the bleachers.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of health and exercise.

Thank you for raising me to be a die-hard Boston sports fan, and thanks for allowing me to watch you cry when the Red Sox lost to the Mets in the 1986 World Series.

Thank you for being an overprotective father from the time I was an infant until present day. For the record, there was no way I was going to fall into the Grand Canyon; we were on an observation deck! However, the grip you had on the back of my T-shirt still impresses me to this day.

Thank you for teaching me the power of humor and how to effectively tell a joke.

Thank you for teaching me the significance of “knowing my audience”, and when appropriate, the power of dropping a well enunciated f-bomb in proper company.

Thank you for changing the massive surgical bandage after my surgery because Mom could not stomach the site of the stitches, the dried blood, the swelling, and the black, purple and yellow discoloration.

Thank you for always telling me I am beautiful.

Thank you for working two jobs for 18 years to provide our family with a comfortable lifestyle. Thank you for always kissing me on the cheek to say goodnight when you came home from your bartending shifts at 2 A.M.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of humility, and the remarkable power of emotional and financial generosity.

Thank you for stressing the importance of education. When you went back to college for your second master’s degree, you showed me that it is never too late to change careers.

Thank you for telling me to “shake it off” when you knew I was not in dire physical pain.

Thank you for embarrassing me and Liz when you picked us up for spring break during our freshman year of college. The image I have of you incessantly yelling, “Girls, daddy’s here!” for the entire length of Evergreen Drive—with half of your body leaning out the station wagon window—is permanently seared into my memory.

Thank you for teaching me about politics and political parties. Thank you for resisting the urge to convince me to vote for your candidate.

Thank you for never lying to me.

Thank you for loving your brother and teaching me the importance of loving those who are not like you. Thank you for showing me that a person’s sexual orientation is part of their soul and should never affect the love you have for them.

Thank you for loving and accepting Uncle Joe’s husband.

Thank you for loving and accepting my husband.

Thank you for loving and accepting me and always making me feel like I am good enough.

Thank you for showing me what is means to be a good man, a great teacher, an extraordinary husband, and an outstanding father for the past 37 years of my life.

I love you, Dad.

Continue reading “To My Dad”

Antiquated loopholes in our Legal Adversarial system in Family Law

The Cause “Stand Up For Zoraya” celebrates the love fathers have for their daughters, inspiring them to embrace the important role they hold in their daughters’ lives and to provide the love, nurture, and emotional support that only they can give.

Stand Up For Zoraya is the voice of the child Since January of 2009, we’re happy to populate the Internet with information that is helpful, supportive, and conducive to fostering father-child relationships, reducing or eliminating Parental Alienation, for the betterment of our children’s psychological and emotional health, and for the future health of our families and societies.

In addition, Stand Up For Zoraya hopes to shed light on and reform an antiquated loopholes in our Legal Adversarial system in Family Law that degrades a father’s role. My fight my battle is not mine alone. I will not stoop to your level God knows my heart. I refuse to live in sadness I know God will make things right. I leave it in God’s hand.contact-denial-is-child-abuse-stand-up-for-zoraya-20161

Stand up for Zoraya

Celebrates the love fathers have for their daughters

Children’s Rights updated their cover photo.

Power UP for national Parents Day holiday – IT’S THE LAW!

Mothers Day, Fathers Day, etc….. but PARENTS Day is the most powerful of all for family rights, by express command of federal law!
Parents Day is an official federal holiday, just like New Years Day, Presidents Day, Christmas, and the rest. Every federal holiday is based on a particular federal statute authorizing/enacting said holiday… The *entire* statute for Parents Day is short and sweet, yet ultra-powerful for… See More

FREE MEN:

From the notion which a) ignores the rigid definition of their roles and b) insists they are culturally favored.
From the tendency to evaluate themselves and each other by the degree to which they meet an impossible ideal.
From conditioned competitiveness and the fear of sharing failures, anxieties and disappointments with one another.
From a mistrust of their feelings and instincts and an over reliance on logical thought processes.
From the notion that violent action confirms and enhances their manliness.
From a relative ignorance of their bodily functions and disdain for their body’s warning signals.
From their conditioning to pacify and protect women, thereby inhibiting them from expressing their true feelings.
From the pressure to be what they are not in preparation for their success role.
From an over reliance on their jobs for a sense of identity.
From conflict between their polygamous sexual conditioning as youths, and society’s expectation that they will overcome that conditioning after marriage.
From preoccupation with sexual technique and from imperatives to concentrate on satisfying their partners sexually, seemingly at the expense of their own sexual pleasure.
From the social barriers and pressures which stand in the way of their establishing close emotional friendships with other men.
From the inclination to turn their wives into permission giving mother figures.
From the need to prove their worthiness as protectors and providers.
From feelings of inadequacy in matters of child care and child rearing.
From feelings which inhibit them from developing a closer more emotional relationship with their children.
From divorce laws which presume the naturally superior capabilities of women to care for children and which stereotype men as wallets.
From national conscription practices which play on their traditional role as protector of the family and society.
From harsher treatment under law for criminal violations than the treatment accorded to women in matters of arrest, conviction and sentencing.
From the notion that as a class they oppress women any more than women as a class oppress them, or than society in general oppresses both sexes through stereotyping.

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Civil Rights in Family Law Florida

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The Fatherless Effect On Women’s Relationships

    Introduction

     Children being raised without fathers is an epidemic in the United States that is on the rise.  When speaking of absentee fathers, I am referring to to fathers who are uninvolved or who appear every so often in a child’s life.   These fathers do not seem to realize that their absence negatively effects their children.  Most research focuses only on the children and not how the absence of a father continues to affect these children into adulthood.

My research paper delves into the topic of fatherless women and how their romantic relationships are affected. My favorite part of the paper is when I intertwine the fatherless woman syndrome with the adult attachment theoryi-am-a-fatherless-daughter-2015This is where the reader can see a clear connection and realize why some fatherless women have a string of bad relationships. Creating this research paper did prove to be a little difficult.

I originally wanted to investigate the effects of fatherlessness on both men and women . However, finding information pertaining to adult males was challenging. Almost all the information I found about fatherless adults were on women.  So the worst part of putting this research paper together was finding the information I needed.   The lack of information relates to the worst part of my paper. My paper only reveals the effects on fatherless women and not the effects on men.   Hopefully in the future research will start to emerge about men and how they too are affected.

Absentee Fathers and How They Effect Women’s Relationships

    Envision a child who can not remember how his or her fathers looks. That child constantly wonders if the men he or she passes by could in fact be daddy. This child has no memories of any special time spent with the father. The little girl or boy has no idea of the fathers personality. All he or she knows is that the stranger on the telephone who calls a few times a year, calls himself dad. Unfortunately, this scenario happens often to over twenty one million children across the United States (Linzy, 2011). These children have many negative outcomes from being raised without a father in their lives. But, the side effects do not just stop once that child turns eighteen. Often overlooked are the effects that an absentee father has on his adult children, particularly women.

    Women who have been raised without a father in their lives can be effected in various ways. Of particular importance is the way women’s romantic relationships are effected. John Bowlby developed the attachment theory which helps in understanding the intimate relationships between human beings. It is believed that if infants have an insecure relationship with their caregiver that normal social and emotional development will not occur (Fraley, 2010). In reference to fatherless women Blankenhorn (1996) states, “because they are deprived of a stable relationship with a non exploitative adult male who loves them, these girls, can remain developmentally ‘stuck,’ struggling with issues of security and trust that well fathered girls have already successfully resolved” (10).

    Looking at past research, it is possible to state that the attachment style of an adult in a relationship, may be a partial reflection on that adults experiences with his or her caregiver. Women who have been raised without fathers tend to experience insecurity within their relationships. The attachment styles that relate to these insecurities are preoccupied attachment, dismissing – avoidant attachment and fearful – avoidant attachment (Becker-Phelps, 2011) .

    Barras (2000) states, “There is a direct link between being fatherless and the likelihood of being in a dysfunctional relationship”.  Women who have been raised without a father often possess the fatherless woman syndrome (67). This syndrome consists of five primary categories that deal directly with a woman’s romantic relationships.  The first category in the fatherless woman syndrome is the un – factor.

This occurs when the woman suffers from low self esteem and feels that no one could ever want or love her. This correlates to the woman’s relationship as a child with her dad. According to Blankenhorn (1996), “A father plays a distinctive role in shaping a daughter’s sexual style and her understanding of the male – female bond.

A father’s love and involvement builds a daughters confidence in her own femininity and contributes to her sense that she is worth loving” (11). The woman who fits into this category may believe that because her father was not in her life, that she is not worthy enough to have anyone romantically involved in her life. Why would anyone want her if her own father did not? A woman who felt these feelings of unworthiness would possess the fearful – avoidant attachment style.

Women who are characterized with this attachment style tend to be distrusting of their partners and often have expectations of getting hurt by their partner (Becker-Phelps, 2011) . Unfortunately for the woman, she tends to act in a way that causes her significant other to end the relationship. So her prophecy becomes true, however she is unaware of her part in it (Barras, 2000, p. 67).

Continue reading “The Fatherless Effect On Women’s Relationships”

Dear Mom and Dad, Please remember my life has been turned upside down and I never had a vote.

Divorce Visitation Requests from Your Child (by: Dr. Anne Brown, PhD, RN) – DivorceForce


Dear Mom and Dad,


Please remember my life has been turned upside down and I never had a vote. I don’t have a rulebook to negotiate waters totally unfamiliar to me. It is really hard for me to understand that my family has broken up. I feel scared that I will loose one or both of you. I don’t know what to do with all the bad feelings I have. It would really mean a lot to me if you could do a few things to help me with the land mines I seem to be stepping on. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

1. Remember Your “ex” is my Family!
FAMILY-where-life-begins-and-love-never-endsI now have the best and worst of both of you. I don’t get to divorce anyone. Whatever you didn’t like about your spouse, I now have to deal with all by myself. I don’t know how, so I am going to have to figure that out without a rule- book. Your “ex” is my Dad or Mom so if you can’t help me have a good relationship, please don’t make things more difficult.

2. Don’t Use Me!

#StandupforZorayaI am not your messenger. Do not interrogate me. I don’t know what will upset you. I am going to have to figure the “what information goes where” thing and that in itself is pretty crazy for my age. Do not “dump” your anger at your “ex” on me please. When I start to look, sound, and have mannerisms, like my parent your “ex” don’t be surprised and don’t blame me. You at one time wanted me to be a combination of both of you, remember!

When you interrogate me to get information about what is going on in “the other house” and you use that information for your “ex” issues, I will probably get in trouble. Make it safe for me to come to you to be able to talk about and get tools to handle things I don’t know how to handle in “the other house”.

Continue reading “Dear Mom and Dad, Please remember my life has been turned upside down and I never had a vote.”

“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”

Children’s Rights:
Reform is needed! Our children’s well-being is at stake!!

A Mother’s Day message from Dr. Mark Roseman of The Toby Center.

A Mothers Love A Fathers LoveFor an increasing number of moms, Mother’s Day without their children are expected, and characteristic. It’s characteristic of mothers who are court ordered to have visitation that they not see their children on this day.

For dads, too, there are many whose children cannot spend time with their them.

Why? Court orders.

a288c-familylaw-fathersandfamilies

Continue reading ““The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.””

JUNK SCIENCE AND THE REAL PARENTAL ALIENATION IN FAMILY COURT THAT NOBODY TALKS ABOUT

Yes, the time has come to discuss one of the most lucrative aspects of the divorce industry: Parental alienation, also known PAS or the dreaded ‘parentectomy.’

In fact, when I discussed the Detroit ‘throw the kids in juvy’ case recently, I was surprised to read the judge’s comments alleging parental alienation. In retrospect I probably shouldn’t have been surprised that a seasoned professional would believe in junk science – upon further investigation I learned that the parentectomy diagnosis is alive and well in family courts throughout the land.

A typical family court parentectomy diagnosis goes like this: One parent, typically the non-custodial child-support paying one, claims that the other parent, typically the custodial child-support receiving one, has alienated the children against him or her. An official diagnosis usually involves a divorce lawyer and a so-called “mental health professional” or two working for the aggrieved and allegedly alienated parent.

Of course in reality this is a misdiagnosis and the parent claiming to be the victim of a parentectomy is almost always suffering from an entirely different malady – let’s call it the ‘walletectomy’.  This syndrome occurs when a litigant becomes estranged and alienated from his wallet due to child support payments. Is this all-too- common misdiagnosis a mistake?  Do the lawyers and judges involved really believe the parent is suffering from a parentectomy and not the much more obvious and far less serious walletectomy?

Is family court a corrupt money-driven system?

You be the judge.

Continue reading “JUNK SCIENCE AND THE REAL PARENTAL ALIENATION IN FAMILY COURT THAT NOBODY TALKS ABOUT”

Just Cause For An Emergency Custody Hearing?

What is an emergency custody order?custody-labels-20165

child abuse

I’m worried that my children’s mother is abusing them. How do I know if there is just cause to ask for an emergency custody hearing?

Answer:

While I am not licensed to practice law in your state and cannot give you legal advice, I can give some general observations on this issue based on the jurisdiction where I practice.

Continue reading “Just Cause For An Emergency Custody Hearing?”

Dads and Daughters

Father daughter dance: Just my way of showing how meaningful being a dad is to me. Fatherhood is sometimes forgotten in importance – especially with so many fatherless kids out there – so I want to show respect to all the dads out there working hard and doing all they can for their kids. Fatherhood matters.

Growing up without a father is difficult for any young man, but one of the consequences of that challenge is learning how to be a great father himself without a solid male role model of fatherhood in his own life.

My friend Scott’s father left Scott’s family when Scott was about 3 years old and was never part of Scott’s life. While his single mother was amazing in supporting and raising Scott and his sisters, he only experienced the influence of a father in his life by watching how other boys and their fathers interacted. FatherlessHe explained to me that he felt many of the consequences of growing up without a father, like not having a dad as his youth sports coach or not having someone to talk to about the issues involved in growing up from boy to man.

But he really felt the lack of a consistent father figure in his life when he and his wife became the parents of a new baby. He felt totally overwhelmed and quite frightened at the prospect of wanting to be a great dad for his baby but at the same time having almost no personal context, having experienced growing up without a father of his own.

Scott’s story is tragically not all that unusual. Today in the United States, 24 million children do not live with their biological father. 40% of these American children have not seen their father in the last 12 months, and 26% of their fathers live in a different state. Given these statistics, more and more young men will be embarking on fatherhood without having had a solid father as a male role model in their lives.Stand up for Zoraya Causes - Lrg Pic - 2015

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The Alienating Parents’ Tool Of Choice

Persuasive Rhetoric
The Tool of Choice for the Alienating Parent

Emotional Child Abuse - 2016Persuasive Rhetoric refers to using language in an emotionally laden manner with the purpose of convincing the audience of some particular perspective.

Persuasive Rhetoric is a tool for selling ideas, beliefs and positions on a given topic or subject. It is unrelated to truth. It only refers to the spin, the story and the goal of winning over the audience. Nothing in the message requires truth.

saddest-thing-in-the-world-20161In the case of Parental Alienation, this concept is useful in that it describes a favorite modus operandi that the alienating parent uses to vilify the targeted parent.

In this context, the alienating parent will allege something either entirely untrue or grossly distorted regarding the targeted parent. It is done with such emotion and tenacity, that the audience is typically drawn into its message. Then the alienating parent does the same thing with another listener. Now there is a group of three who all believe the same either untrue or grossly distorted thing.

There are now three voices in this chorus, and the intensity level tends to increase with the volume and the numbers of those involved. Then someone in this group of three relates this to another person, who questions it but is told that several other people told them the same thing, so it must be true. This new “convert” to the distortion then unwittingly spreads the distortion to someone else, and to someone else, and to someone else.

Socrates, the story goes, is approached by a man who wants to tell him some urgent news. Before he does this, Socrates stops him and says he would first like to ask him three questions before he tells his story. The man agrees.

The first question is, “do you know the person to whom this news occurred?”

Answer: “No, but I know someone who does know them. “

Question two: “did you witness the event yourself?”

Answer: “No, but I spoke to someone who was there.”

Question Three: ” Is the news good or bad?”

Answer: “It would be considered bad news.”

Socrates reviews accordingly, “You do not know the person to whom this happened, you only heard about it from someone who says they were there, and it is bad news. Thank you, but I think I would rather not listen to this news.”

Rightly or wrongly, we humans do tend to be herd animals. Due to our wiring and our evolution, when the herd is exposed to some message that is potentially dangerous or at least negative, we do tend to give it extra weight, and then pass it on.

This is a self-protective reflex that is easily exploited by the alienating parent in their mission to obliterate the targeted parent in Parental Alienation cases.

http://drbobevans.com/
“There are some who say Parental Alienation is a new concept and should be replaced with other verbiage more grounded in established psychological research. I’m not too sure where this comment is coming from but to help clarify the situation, there are 94 pages of references, peer review articles, books, journal articles and other works that make reference to Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome and the phenomenon of alienation some go back to the 1940’s. So it is hardly the case that Parental Alienation is a new concept; clearly it’s not.” ~ www.drbobevans.com

Since the words “Parental Alienation” were first uttered within a family court room, it comes as no surprise that the echoes emanating from adversaries within both the mental health and legal environments have blurred and tarnished the very concept and, at times, left it unrecognizable. The side opposing an assertion of Parental Alienation is tasked with discrediting, disputing and demeaning it, hoping to convince the court to ultimately reject it. The adversarial process within the family court will predictably batter the concept about a good deal. Consequently, much misinformation, partial information and outright untruths and fabrications emerge and begin to fester.

When one considers that arguing attorneys and family law judges typically learn about Parental Alienation via arguments, examinations and cross examinations in court, it should not be surprising that such understandings are usually limited to the facts of a particular case, and are not necessarily characteristic of specific knowledge acquisition. In other words, the understandings about Parental Alienation as born through litigation are anecdotal and unique, far from a balanced and complete instruction. Judges and attorneys may hear about Parental Alienation from expert witnesses who have essentially been hired to discredit it or to assert it, and their information may be distorted or contaminated by the need to persuade (i.e., biased). In other words, the adversarial environment where it is argued is ripe for distortions and partial truths. What is important to know is that there have been specific arguments created to discredit it that can be shown to be absolutely false. For example, the argument that it is not accepted by the professional community can be shown to be absolutely false. The argument about its presence or absence in the DSM-5 can be answered completely and affirmatively. The argument that it is “junk science” can be shown to be completely unsupported by the scientific literature.

Announcing the National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists & 2-Day Symposium “Effective Litigation of Parental Alienation”The two day course offered by NAPAS is designed not only to provide a full and complete picture of parental alienation but to impart practical strategies to attorneys representing either a rejected parent or an alienating parent and the course material is supported by the scientific literature and professional consensus.

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